For Jimmy Benedict & Steven Vargyas
Godspeed to you on your journeys into His arms.
There is envy in my heart
1st Printing: January 1995
All songs Copyright © 2001 by Household Keppeler.
All songs Copyright © 1995 by John E. Larsen.
Lyrics and Music published by John E. Larsen
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from Master Alex Keppeler, Household Keppeler.
At the end of Songs to my Master I: Shadowlands, Jim was recognized by the tribe at The Abyss for his training with his former Master Karl and his greater introduction to the Master of the Maze. Jim, now two years since the passage of Karl out of his life, starts to ponder his own existence and seeks solace outside a leather bar. Jim relates his current feelings that he may not necessarily be ready to face the world (Older and Wiser).
The Master of the Maze appears and tells Jim that even though Karl felt that Jim had progressed to a point where he could stand on his own, Karl had been premature. Jim is told that his apprenticeship is not over, but may continue for a time alone. The Master of the Maze tells Jim that the time has come for Jim to find his own road (Outlander). Although Jim believes that his place was back with Karl, The Master of the Maze tells him that this may or may not be the case. In any event, Jim must prove to the Master of the Maze that he has learned to wait (In My Own Time). Jim, of course, has other ideas Have I Been Here Before?).
Jim goes back to The Abyss once more and finds it quite a different place. He listens for the voices of Those Who Have Crossed Over he first heard, but hears nothing. Confronted by a newer, seemingly irreverent element of leatherfolk, Jim gets no satisfaction from hit-and-miss encounters with this new breed and those whom he recognizes as Those Who Have Crossed Over seemingly have given up the old ways (Dressed in Black: Part II). Jim is even approached by his former lover Jonathan who has bought and redecorated the bar to his liking (I Like It In Here).
Snubbed by various strangers who think him crazy to believe in anything except "attitude" (You Can't Fight Fashion), Jim finds himself virtually in tears at the bar. He pours out his heart to the bartender and is told that he must find the strength to go on within himself and that the Master he thought he had lost may have let him go prematurely because of deeper feelings for him, a mistake the bartender says he's once made (Maybe Some Day).
The Master of the Maze calls to Jim and comforts him, telling him that He is always beside him, holding him up (Watching and Waiting). For an instant, Jim thinks he sees the face of his former Master in the eyes of the bartender. The bartender reveals to Jim that he is actually Larry, Karl's former Master. The Master of the Maze orders Larry to care for Jim through the rest of his training ((How to) Take Care of Your Boy) and tells both to always be aware of his ongoing presence. Larry and Jim pledge themselves anew as Jim finds he is an outlander no more (Watching and Waiting: Reprise) and continues on his journey toward the Master of the Maze with Larry.
The journey will be completed in
Songs to my Master, Part III: Theophany
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Jim: He seems so distant from me now: A touch, a word, and I would never be the same; His promise lingers with me still, That all of this was much more than a game; (short instrumental) I've seen a glimpse of what could be, Our time has passed and so I take a look inside; What I was then I am not now- What reason have I then to want to run and hide? You say I'm older and wiser, That I'm becoming the one I should be, When you say I'm older and wiser, The one you should ask is me... Where is the path that I must walk? What else is left to take when you've been given all? Why did my Master have to go? What else is certain when you fail to hear His call? You say I'm older and wiser, That I'm becoming the one I should be, When you say I'm older and wiser, The one you should ask is me... You say I'm older and wiser, That I'm becoming the one I should be, When you say I'm older and wiser, The one you should ask is me... is me... |
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The Master of the Maze: Stopping to pray for some water, staying to kneel for some bread Looking beyond the horizon, knowing the way he must tread. Taking the ways once forsaken, taking the road yet unseen; You must follow the life that now beckons, The life that you see in your dream. There's a way that is dark and a way that is bright There's a voice that is calling alone In a moment unknown, all the questions are answered But the outlander knows that the road he must travel is home. Giving of all of his talents, making the choice now to trust Hearing the unheard assurance, doing all he must, Taking the burdens of others, giving them shelter and rest. You must follow the way of the humble, The life you will come to know best. There's a way that is dark and a way that is bright There's a voice that is calling alone In a moment unknown, all the questions are answered But the outlander knows that the road he must travel is home. And what must you do in the wastelands? How will you persevere? Remember the voice of your Master, for I will always be here... There's a way that is dark and a way that is bright There's a voice that is calling alone In a moment unknown, all the questions are answered And the outlander knows that the road he must travel is home. For the outlander knows that the road he must travel is home. |
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The Master of the Maze: Now you stand on the edge of your reality Face to face with a mirror Half obscured is the truth you've placed your life on Wishing things could be clearer In my own time, you'll know the fullness of the mystery In my own time, you will see my face In my own time, I'll wipe the tears from your eyes You will know and will see In my own time Standing near, wishing you could only feel my presence Not alone, no, not ever Time stands still, I can sense you're growing nearer Spending thoughts on forever In my own time, you'll know the fullness of the mystery In my own time, you will see my face In my own time, I'll wipe the tears from your eyes You will know and will see In my own time And as the mystery envelops you, you will learn to call my name... In my own time, you'll know the fullness of the mystery In my own time, you will see my face In my own time, I'll wipe the tears from your eyes You will know and will see In my own time |
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Jim: Searching for something I can believe in, Something to call my own Longing for someone to put my trust in, Waiting and hungering alone... Am I still destined to wander in circles, Binding the spirit to roam Walking in half-light, reaching for shadows, Wondering which way is my home Why are the answers so hard to believe in, As questions call forth all my fears? Where is the justice in all of the searching, Where is your salt for my tears? Am I still destined to wander in circles, Binding the spirit to roam Walking in half-light, reaching for shadows, Wondering which way is my home Bridge: If I survive this castigation, what form of pleasure lies ahead? Is this a tailor-made temptation, With consequences I must dread? Why do the shadows gather 'round me? I must be standing at a door My only choice is to keep going, Why do I ask, "Have I've been here before?" Am I still destined to wander in circles, Binding the spirit to roam Walking in half-light, reaching for shadows, Wondering which way is my home |
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Jim: Where is the Master? Who lives to serve? I've seen all of you standing here before Is this all there is or is there more? Is it all just an act when you're dressed in black? The smirks on your faces give you away Is there anything more you've got to say Is it all just an act when you're dressed in black? Is it all just an act when you're dressed in black? Is it all just an act when you're dressed in black? When you're dressed in black? The men on the TV, the nudes on the wall Can you really stomach the stench of it all? Is it all just an act when you're dressed in black? The top now is bottom, the bottom's a top, Just tell me where does all of this insanity stop? Is it all just an act when you're dressed in black? Is it all just an act when you're dressed in black? Is it all just an act when you're dressed in black? When you're dressed in black? Where's the tradition I've fought to uphold? You've all gone and left it, it's been bought and sold It's all just an act when you're dressed in black! You've taken the rulebook, rewritten the rules And you all just look like pretentious fools! It's all just an act when you're dressed in black! It's all just an act when you're dressed in black! It's all just an act when you're dressed in black! When you're dressed in black! When you're dressed in black! When you're dressed in black! |
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Jonathan: This very bar once rang out a history Of raunch and sleaze and acts too strange to tell But time has passed and progress marches onward I've made a heaven of what was once a hell From the leather seats in my art deco bar It's not that hard to tell where you are...I like it in here! And the way you look looks right to me Your temperament for all to see...I like it in here The customers of this place once tried to muster The way it was and the way that it should be But their arrogance in time became their downfall Their deviance, a peculiarity From the flanneled pecs in the leather vest, My patrons all must pass my test...I like it in here And it's not that sex is bad, you see, Only do it consensually...I like it in here Revising the past, I'm not, but all of the profit I've got My self-respect to protect as well as those I serve... The leather past of which you speak Came from those we would now call weak...I like it in here I've no more time for a leathered ghost For the ultimate bar, I'm the ultimate host...and I like it in here. Yes, I like it in here. Spoken: Yes, I really like it in here! |
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Chorus of Abyss Customers: (starting in the background between verses, but growing louder with each verse) Attitude...Attitude...Attitude...Attitude... Leather Title Holder: This is the tenth packed bar I've drawn this year, And that should make it politically clear, That you can't fight fashion; I've won the prizes, I've raised the roof; But still I find it all a proof That you can't fight fashion; no, you can't fight fashion. Rubberman: Come over here and rub against my skin, Smell and taste my talcum and know again, That you can't fight fashion; You're the only one who's getting undressed Cause sex without rubber gets me stressed And you can't fight fashion, no, you can't fight fashion All: Our attitude makes us what we are, A dimly lit ego or a shooting star and you can't fight fashion, You can do what you will or say what you must But the reflection in the mirror is the Master we trust Cause you can't fight fashion, no, you can't fight fashion! Just come with me to my den in the wood I'll lick your pelt if you say I could, Cause you can't fight fashion; You'll hibernate and probably share A round or two as my teddy bear Cause you can't fight fashion, no, you can't fight fashion. Uniform Man: Just say "yes, sir," and we'll spend the night, Watching army movies where men kill and fight, Cause you can't fight fashion; We'll perform maneuvers in my khaki tent, We'll groan and sweat til we're completely spent, For you can't fight fashion, no, you can't fight fashion All: Our attitude makes us what we are, A dimly lit ego or a shooting star and you can't fight fashion, You can do what you will or say what you must But the reflection in the mirror is the Master we trust Cause you can't fight fashion, no, you can't fight fashion! Cause you can't fight fashion, no, you can't fight fashion! |
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Larry: Questions asked a thousand times haunt my aching soul In a vortex of my tortured desperation Tables turned and rivers run, lifetimes come and gone Become my one and only contemplation Did he love too much? Did he give himself completely? Did he see me only with a master's eyes? Is it now too late? Have the cards been dealt too neatly? Did the one I sought to love become the one I despise? But maybe some day, it will all become clear to me Did my selfishness outweigh the final cost? The time goes on, and still I stop and wonder What I wanted, what I bargained, what I lost... Voices chanting in the dark point me toward a truth That a higher love controls my navigation; Bridges burned and choices made, my history goes on Proving innocence survives all tribulation... Did I love too much? Did I give myself completely? Did I see him only with a servant's eyes? Is it now too late? Have the cards been dealt too neatly? Did the one I sought to love become the one I despise? But maybe some day, it will all become clear to me Did my selfishness outweigh the final cost? The time goes on, and still I stop and wonder What I wanted, what I bargained, what I lost... |
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The Master of the Maze: Sometimes you don't want to know That the very thing you need is right in front of you; And sometimes you don't want to see That the strength for today must come from inside But when you search your deepest part, You'll sense that I am here And when you think you can't go on, You'll feel that I am near And I'll be watching and waiting for you Knowing in time, you'll know me fully for that's my will for you And I'll be watching and waiting for you Knowing in time, you'll be running home to my arms, So I'll be watching and waiting for you. Jim: Sometimes I don't want to feel That through the darkest times, You're right beside me; And sometimes I don't want to know That through the tears I cried, You've held me tighter... But when I search my deepest part, I sense that You are here And when I think I can't go on, I feel that You are near And I'll be watching and waiting for You Knowing in time, I'll know You fully for that's what I want to do And I'll be watching and waiting for You Knowing in time, I'll be running home to Your arms, So I'll be watching and waiting for You. The Master of the Maze / Jim: And I'll be watching and waiting for you Knowing in time, I'll know You fully for that's what I want to do And I'll be watching and waiting for you Knowing in time, I'll be running home to Your arms, Jim: To Your arms, To Your arms... The Master of the Maze / Jim: So I'll be watching and waiting for You, Jim: for You... |
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The Master of the Maze: Being given a boy is a great opportunity To be loved and give love in return And the love that is strong in the flames of humility Will live and forever will burn Boys will be boys, drawn by desire, If left by themselves in the flame of the fire Boys will be men, then face to face, When brought to the mystery in your loving embrace Strong arms of tenderness measured in significance Will wipe away his darkest years Proud words of love tempered with consequence Will take away his hidden fears Boys will be boys, drawn by desire, If left by themselves in the flame of the fire Boys will be men, then face to face, When brought to the mystery in your loving embrace Bridge: Many will try and many will tell you How to take care of your boy Many will come and few will remain to seek The strength that is found in your arms Stand your ground, knowing your love Is seeking and being sought Stay with one vision of attainable happiness, One that can only be taught... Boys will be boys, drawn by desire, If left by themselves in the flame of the fire Boys will be men, then face to face, When brought to the mystery in your loving embrace When brought to the mystery in your loving embrace. |
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Larry / Jim: And I'll be watching and waiting for you Knowing in time, I'll know You fully for that's what I want to do And I'll be watching and waiting for you Knowing in time, I'll be running home to Your arms, To Your arms, To Your arms... So I'll be watching and waiting for You, for You... |
Comments and inquiries invited to Master@HouseholdK.org.
All songs Copyright © 2001 by Household Keppeler.
All songs Copyright © 1995 by John E. Larsen.
Lyrics and Music published by John E. Larsen.
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system,without permission in writing from Master Alex Keppeler, Household Keppeler.
This page last updated on January 18, 2007.
Copyrighted © 2000-2007 by Master Alex Keppeler.
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